For most men and women the moment they meet and fall in love is a very special time for them. Once this ‘love hold’ is achieved, they will try their very best to keep hold of this bull by the horns. I call this ‘love hold’ a ‘bull’ because like a bull it is sometimes angry, likes to flip you this way and that way, is associated with the colour red and if cheated will fiercely try to end you.
When most people commit to a marriage, they commit also to promises of love, happiness, fulfilment of duties and being together through sickness and in health. All of these commitments are great things to commit to but can we really commit ourselves wholly to this covenant.
We can maybe keep the promise of love but the happiness, fulfilment of duties and being together through sickness and in health are more difficult promises to keep. We can’t always be happy, there are times when we will be sad for one reason or another. We can’t always be together in sickness and in health because of work commitments or the hospital security gets in the way. We can’t always fulfil our duties because other commitments can get in the way too. One duty we should however try to always be on top (no pun intended) is to try to be good at the sex part of our life with our partner. The fact that the sexual part of the marriage is considered to be a duty by a lot of people speaks for itself. Duties are things that are usually boring but required no matter how good or bad you are feeling or what time of day it is. At 3 o’clock in the morning on a work day, do you ever have the time or the energy to perform your duty? Maybe when you were newly married you did. It is a shame that sex can become so monotonous for some couples. This is why we know that masturbation is not a duty; because you know when you and your body needs it. There is no thinking of a second third or any other party. You don’t have to share your duty like you would if you were in a threesome. You don’t have to work out a master plan of who is going to lick, suck and touch what. It is just pure and indulgent fun and pleasure between you and the thing you know the most, your hand love!
We meet, we fall in love, we marry or just live together, we have mind-blowing sex, we become too familiar, we start wearing leggings, shorts if we are a man, stop making an effort and eventually sporadically have sex or make a pencilled in appointment for sex that usually gets cancelled more often than checked off. It is not good enough! There is no reason for letting ourselves go because of time. The seventh or eight year and even the fiftieth year of marriage should still be providing steamy hot love between the sheets. Mating wherever your heart desires whether that be in your favourite reclining seat or even on the kitchen table, however, for a lot of women this is usually not an option because of the fact that they are usually thinking about cleaning the table rather than cleaning her mans love muscle with her tongue. Where should the blame lie for this I am not sure. Is it boredom? Is it the dreaded mother-in-laws? Is it too many friends that constantly visit at the wrong time? Is it just the jobs that we have making us far too busy, leaving us physically exhausted and with no sexual energy whatsoever? Or maybe it is the main contender, your young offspring who won’t go to bed on time making a love life on most nights (unless their grandparents take them) virtually impossible?
Whatever it is, a sexless marriage can lead to a loveless marriage, and a loveless marriage can lead to a sexless marriage. So sex is important for the upkeep and sustainability of a marriage. How are you going to make sex special and how are you going to find the time to perform your private carnal act together with no interruptions. For the first part to make the sex special you need either some sexy super hot lingerie, if you are in to rubber pvc gear then you can use this. If you find out that your husband likes wearing your clothes, then let him wear them if it makes your love making better. The main thing is it is all about effort. You need to make an effort. If you make a business meeting at work, you make time for it, no matter how busy you are. So why is it that at home your sexual plans are always double booked, un-book other plans, rearrange the rotas, cancel other non important things. You should create yourself a sex diary so that you can write in definite sexual days and stick with them. For women this is perfect, they can arrange it around their periods and for the man this is good too, he will know that his wife is not going to be giving him a serial killer look when he decides it is time to please his wife. It may sound procedural but at least then the sex life continues and so will the marriage. This way the husband is less likely to have an affair. Sometimes it may be difficult as are some boring meetings but this is part of the ups and downs of a marriage. You may find you get used to it. If on a particular day you feel horny and want to have an early sexual encounter then this is possible but still stick to the sex diaries dates too and just count it as one or two extra treats in that week. But don’t ever count and say we had 6 last week, so only 4 this week because by doing this it will become less and less until one day the sex kitten or stud in the office will be on your guy or gal and your marriage could fall to pieces.
Stay happy, keep loving, keep the sex drive up and try everything in your power to keep things fresh as marriage is a great place to be when your in it but when it’s splitting at the edges it is like hell on earth.
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